Seeing Others from a New Lens of Perfection
My clients always ask me “how to” questions in regard to their relationships with self and others. “How to do” a relationship will lead to judgment. Doing is about what “to do” versus how “to be” in a relationship. I understand that we are wired for performance and how TO DO things to get the job done. When it comes to relating to any person, place, or thing (which are all forms of relationships), you begin with WHO YOU ARE which is a form of BEING-identify is an essential perfect self that’s pre-existing in all of us. NO two of us are the same in our unique being!
Who you are in your resting state of your being means that you need a foundational base on which to form healthy relationships. When a human does not have a clear lens to perceive him or herself, or if self-perception is placed on performance, there will always be serious issues in all their relationships. The way they are relating is through a doing lens vs. a being lens. The lens of “doing” is one that requires an answer to “how am I doing?” Next, it has a need for a scale to measure that question. I hope you can begin to understand what I am saying with the lens of performance based thinking towards others.
When you love yourself well and know you are loved by others AND that your worth and value is not based on performance, you can be free to love even the unlovely. You are also free to see the flaws within yourself. The next step above this will be to inspect where YOU or any other human being gets worth and value. This may take time to sort through, as there are many variables humans use to evaluate self. Using man’s scale is faulty as there are always imperfections in those. All scales have blind spots because we have inner blind spots and bias thinking that blocks truth.
So, where do we get our worth and value? Worth and value are inherent and are given to each creature that lives on this planet. We all arrive on planet earth in the same condition. We all have worth not based on what we can DO for the planet. In the beginning, a human infant cannot DO anything. As a matter of fact, they do nothing to deserve being cared for…human love can care for a baby and take care of its needs even when it is “acting” in ways that are unlovely (like crying, etc.). This is the state of our innocence and how we begin from Creation. WE are created to have needs and to have them met with love. This is how we all will end in old age as well.
No one escapes the need for care.
When we SEE others as another being that needs care and see ourselves in that same lens without using comparatives based on performance, we can begin to see the image of perfection that we truly need. Seeing myself as worthy of love will shift my mind to see others as worthy of love (not based on how well they perform according to MY standards), but according to the WAY they are in their Creator’s eyes. Of course, if you are your own “god” and you create the world according to your own standards, you will not understand what I am saying nor do you need to. I am writing for those who realize human treatment is lacking love based on who we all are in God’s Image, not in the ones that we mirror from our own imperfections.