When You Don’t Take Personal Responsibility
Throughout my years as a counselor, I have worked with many people suffering with addictions. It is hard on the family to have someone who will not surrender to be accountable and own the things they have done (and, may still be doing). Typically, those who come to counseling want to stop their addictive behaviors, but they do not understand the Law of Sowing and Reaping or the laws of consequences. I have seen many people who still would not own how they had hurt others with their actions, but would justify or defend “why” they acted so poorly. I have heard hundreds of stories that all sound different, but always boil down to defending themselves instead of owning what they have done with no excuses.
I am sure you know many people in your life who are defensive the minute you try to share something with them that bothers you, but they will not hear it and turn the conversation about all the things you do to “make them” act that way. This is classic lack of taking personal responsibility and admitting offensive behaviors WITHOUT one justification or rationalization. As a matter of fact, it is so classic that it is pretty often the norm in all relationships.
When you blame someone else as the “reason” you choose to do anything that is hurtful, it blocks your own light. You are offloading what you need to own onto someone else. Over time, patterns like this will build up and block your heart to remain open. The way you treat others will reflect back to you and darken your spirit. All humans are hurtful, but the hurt mounts up into a pile of pain when you constantly blame others for your shortcomings and causes unnecessary suffering. Most people are willing to forgive when you own your errors and take actions to do better by getting help if it is a serious addiction or anger problem.
When you do not take action or own your shortcomings, you become blind to the things you do because you form a habit that sets up a program that just always goes to some disposition of defense. These habits are hard to change because they hinder your spirit to let your conscience be convicted that you need to do something. Over time, you deaden any sensitivity and just harden your heart or wall off. This type of person will be unable to hear the Holy Spirit because of the years of denial.
As you can see, this is serious stuff. You will never be emotionally sober and free from the bonds of the past living this way. Ask yourself and your close family members if they feel like they have to “walk on eggshells” around you or if they see you as someone who is always defensive. If so, get help! Some people are just clueless that they always defend and some do it on purpose. I am imagining if you are reading this blog, you are the type that just doesn’t know what you don’t know simply because you rarely take time to introspect. The best way to begin is to ask and set an intention to take action. Do some meditative prayer and ask for help from the Holy Spirit. When you begin to humble yourself, you will wake up and see the light of your actions. Once you do that, you can take the necessary next steps.